What one generation calls good manners, another calls exhausting. While boomers grew up with values shaped by face-to-face connections, younger generations were raised in a world of instant messages, online schedules, and personal boundaries.
This generational gap has created friction around what counts as polite. Many habits that once signaled respect or warmth now come across as intrusive or draining. Let’s look at seven common examples and how to bridge the gap.
1. Calling Without a Heads-Up
Why it feels polite to boomers: Calls were once the fastest way to connect.
Why it feels draining now: Many see unscheduled calls as disruptive and anxiety-inducing.
Better alternative: Send a quick text like “Got 5 minutes to talk?” or use voice notes. This gives the other person choice and control.
2. Dropping By Unannounced
Why it feels polite to boomers: Surprise visits once meant care and friendship.
Why it feels draining now: Modern schedules and mental health needs require planning.
Better alternative: A short message—“Mind if I stop by at 3?”—respects boundaries and makes visits enjoyable, not stressful.
3. Commenting on Appearance
Why it feels polite to boomers: Praising appearance was seen as encouraging.
Why it feels draining now: Younger generations value body positivity and mental health.
Better alternative: Focus on energy or accomplishments. Try “You look happy—what’s new?” instead.
4. Giving Unsolicited Advice
Why it feels polite to boomers: Advice = caring.
Why it feels draining now: It undermines autonomy and confidence.
Better alternative: Ask first. Say “Do you want advice, or just to vent?” That way, support feels collaborative, not controlling.
5. Forwarding Chain Messages
Why it feels polite to boomers: Sharing was once the way to stay connected.
Why it feels draining now: It adds to digital overload.
Better alternative: Share only when it’s relevant. Add a note like “This reminded me of your love for DIY projects—check the second tip!”
6. Forcing Long Small Talk
Why it feels polite to boomers: Small talk softened conversations.
Why it feels draining now: Time feels wasted in a fast-paced world.
Better alternative: Keep it short. A quick “Hope your week’s going well—let’s dive in” shows both respect and efficiency.
7. Over-Checking for Replies
Why it feels polite to boomers: Persistence = professionalism.
Why it feels draining now: It creates pressure and stress.
Better alternative: Set expectations upfront. Say “I’ll need your feedback by Friday.” Clear deadlines cut down on unnecessary follow-ups.
Why These Habits Clash
The difference comes down to context and culture. Boomers were raised in a world where face-to-face gestures and persistence defined respect. Younger generations navigate a digital landscape where time, autonomy, and mental balance are prized.
Neither side is wrong—it’s simply a shift in how courtesy looks in 2025.
How to Bridge the Gap
- Ask instead of assuming. A quick check avoids friction.
- Respect time. Keep messages short and visits planned.
- Value connection differently. Texts, voice notes, and video chats can be just as warm as calls.
- Focus on feelings, not appearances. Emotional support goes further than surface compliments.
Politeness is not about holding onto outdated habits—it’s about making others feel respected. Boomers and younger generations can meet halfway by updating social “rules” to fit today’s world.
At its heart, courtesy has always been about one thing: kindness. The form may change, but the goal remains the same.