What one generation calls good manners, another calls exhausting. While boomers grew up with values shaped by face-to-face connections, younger generations were raised in a world of instant messages, online schedules, and personal boundaries.
This generational gap has created friction around what counts as polite. Many habits that once signaled respect or warmth now come across as intrusive or draining. Let’s look at seven common examples and how to bridge the gap.
1. Calling Without a Heads-Up
Boomers often see a spontaneous phone call as thoughtful. For younger people, it feels like someone barging through the digital front door.
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Why it feels polite to boomers: Calls were once the fastest way to connect.
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Why it feels draining now: Many see unscheduled calls as disruptive and anxiety-inducing.
Better alternative: Send a quick text like “Got 5 minutes to talk?” or use voice notes. This gives the other person choice and control.
2. Dropping By Unannounced
For boomers, popping in for coffee was a sign of neighborly warmth. Today, most people guard their home time like precious fuel.
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Why it feels polite to boomers: Surprise visits once meant care and friendship.
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Why it feels draining now: Modern schedules and mental health needs require planning.
Better alternative: A short message—“Mind if I stop by at 3?”—respects boundaries and makes visits enjoyable, not stressful.
3. Commenting on Appearance
“Have you lost weight?” is intended as a compliment, but it often feels like judgment.
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Why it feels polite to boomers: Praising appearance was seen as encouraging.
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Why it feels draining now: Younger generations value body positivity and mental health.
Better alternative: Focus on energy or accomplishments. Try “You look happy—what’s new?” instead.
4. Giving Unsolicited Advice
Boomers often show love through advice. But unsolicited guidance can sound like criticism.
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Why it feels polite to boomers: Advice = caring.
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Why it feels draining now: It undermines autonomy and confidence.
Better alternative: Ask first. Say “Do you want advice, or just to vent?” That way, support feels collaborative, not controlling.
5. Forwarding Chain Messages
From prayer emails to “urgent” jokes, chain messages still circulate. But inbox clutter drains focus in an always-online world.
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Why it feels polite to boomers: Sharing was once the way to stay connected.
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Why it feels draining now: It adds to digital overload.
Better alternative: Share only when it’s relevant. Add a note like “This reminded me of your love for DIY projects—check the second tip!”
6. Forcing Long Small Talk
Weather chat before business once showed courtesy. Now, with Slack and emojis, younger generations prefer quick check-ins.
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Why it feels polite to boomers: Small talk softened conversations.
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Why it feels draining now: Time feels wasted in a fast-paced world.
Better alternative: Keep it short. A quick “Hope your week’s going well—let’s dive in” shows both respect and efficiency.
7. Over-Checking for Replies
“Just following up…” may signal diligence to boomers. To younger coworkers, it feels like micromanagement.
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Why it feels polite to boomers: Persistence = professionalism.
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Why it feels draining now: It creates pressure and stress.
Better alternative: Set expectations upfront. Say “I’ll need your feedback by Friday.” Clear deadlines cut down on unnecessary follow-ups.
Why These Habits Clash
The difference comes down to context and culture. Boomers were raised in a world where face-to-face gestures and persistence defined respect. Younger generations navigate a digital landscape where time, autonomy, and mental balance are prized.
Neither side is wrong—it’s simply a shift in how courtesy looks in 2025.
How to Bridge the Gap
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Ask instead of assuming. A quick check avoids friction.
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Respect time. Keep messages short and visits planned.
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Value connection differently. Texts, voice notes, and video chats can be just as warm as calls.
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Focus on feelings, not appearances. Emotional support goes further than surface compliments.
Politeness is not about holding onto outdated habits—it’s about making others feel respected. Boomers and younger generations can meet halfway by updating social “rules” to fit today’s world.
At its heart, courtesy has always been about one thing: kindness. The form may change, but the goal remains the same.